i must emphasize that all of these have been used by actual students in actual essays in actual places.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
:]
Monday, September 8, 2008
why english teachers "die young"
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Ramen
Ramen is one of the staples of my diet. Ramen really isn't as unhealthy as most people say. It's a good source of carbohydrates and other nutrients--it's just that the fat and sodium levels are a little on the high side.
On a typical week, I average four bowls of ramen.
If you don't know, ramen, not to be mistaken for the REAL Japanese noodle known as ramen, is a quickly-prepared food consisting of deep-fried noodles and a packet of seasoning.
Ramen as we know it today was invented by a genius man named Momofuku Ando, who discovered that palm oil works best for frying noodles and giving the best flavor. Unfortunately Mr. Ando died on my birthday last year, which is a sad loss to us all.
Ramen is a prepared noodle block, which is generally quickly cooked in an oil. This is then packaged into either a plastic package or a foam bowl. The foam bowl has excellent heat retension properties, meaning that ramen is efficiently and quickly cooked.
Hot water is generally the medium of choice for the cooking of ramen. The water quickly dissolves with the seasoning packet included with the ramen, which quickly convalesces into a broth. This broth seeps into the noodles, releasing the oils within, and gives the noodles the flavor that makes them so appealing.
The efficiency and cheap cost of ramen is what makes it so popular.
I personally suggest Nong Shim Kimchi Bowl Noodle. No ramen is better, assuming you can tolerate the spice.
Unfortunately it appears most Americans today have relegated themselves to only sampling the ubiquitous Nissin Cup Noodles. Cup Noodles is not bad, but the superiority of Nong Shim's offering is as clear as *insert simile here*
I hope I have enlightened you all.
Friday, August 22, 2008
How To: Write Gooder
Avoid cliches like the plague--they're old hat.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Be more or less specific.
Always avoid alliteration.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
One-word sentences? Eliminate. Always!
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!!
Don't never use double negatives.
Don't forget to always finish what
SOURCE
Monday, August 18, 2008
How To: Speed Up Your Computer
There are two main ways to speed up a computer. One involves hardware, one doesn't.
HARDWARE
One foolproof way to improve your computer's performance, regardless of trifles like differences between operating systems, is to put better parts into your computer.
RAM: RAM these days is getting cheaper and cheaper. Adding RAM to your computer is sure to improve your computer's speed, especially when multi-tasking. RAM is the cheapest, easiest way to boost computer performance, since RAM standards are well-defined.
To add RAM, you first need to determine your operating system's RAM limit, your motherboard's RAM limit, and the amount of DIMM slots (which hold RAM) on your motherboard. Most 32-bit Windows systems support up to 4 GB of RAM. 64-bit systems support up to 128 GB, but unless you're a power user, you're likely to be using a 32-bit system.
An excellent source for information about RAM is Crucial. The site contains a tool to determine your computer's RAM requirements, as well as a lot of other RAM-related information.
Processor: Putting a better processor into your computer is also sure to give you better performance. Unfortunately, upgrading processors can be a difficult task, due to the incompatibilies between them. Intel and AMD processors require different motherboard sockets, and incorrect installation of a processor can permanently damage your motherboard, rendering your computer useless. Use care when dealing with processors. If you're looking for a better processor, look for a higher clock speed, more cache, and a higher number of processing cores. The high-end processors today contain four processing cores.
Hard Drive: Upgrading your HD will give you better performance when dealing with files stored on your system. A faster HD, such as a 7200 RPM model over a 5400 RPM model, will access files quicker, resulting in better load times when requesting files. If you're planning to port your entire system over to your new HD, be careful, and always back up your information beforehand. A bigger HD also has the advantage of holding a lot more information.
NON-HARDWARE
Disk Cleanup: Windows comes with a Disk Cleanup program, which will clear up space on your HD. Access this in the Properties dialog of your hard drive. In addition, uninstall old programs. If you don't use a program anymore, remove it! Doing this will free up hard drive space and possibly improve load times. The Windows Add or Remove Program screen is easily accessed via Control Panel.
Defragment: This gets rid of file fragments on your hard drive, improving speed. Windows XP and Vista both come with a Disk Defragmenter. Vista's can be set to schedule a defragmentation.
Clean your Registry: The Windows Registry acts as a nervous system for the computer, containing file references and other important information. Be careful, messing up your registry can cause your computer to be inoperable. Good registry cleaning programs are CCleaner and RegSeeker, but USE THESE PROGRAMS WITH CAUTION. Any registry program can mess up your registry if used improperly.
Overclocking: Overclocking is setting a processor to run faster than it was designed to. This is recommended only for fairly experienced users. Most OEM (pre-built) computers won't support overclocking anyway. If your computer is custom-built, an easy way to overclock is to change the clock multiplier in the BIOS screen, usually accessed by hitting the DEL key at bootup. This varies between computers, but a good list can be found here.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monster Hunter Tri
Yes, it has been confirmed that the makers of the popular Monster Hunter series will release a new installment. Although a release date has not been confirmed, there has been a surprising report from the good people over at CAPCOM. Due to manufacturing costs required to make the game on the PS3 format, the company will be releasing the game on the most popular game console in Japan, the Wii!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Final Fantasy XIII-E3 Trailer
Final Fantasy XIII looks to become one of the most amazing games ever. Graphics look to be top-notch, as with everything else Square Enix offers, and the story will undoubtedly be another well-written narrative. After seeing this trailer, I'm tempted to go out and buy FF XIII, a PS3, and an HDTV as soon as it comes out.
Of course, I could always get an Xbox 360, (End to the PS exclusive Final Fantasy series) but by the time this game comes out, it'll probably be totally obsolete. . .
Monday, July 14, 2008
Trip to Hong Kong
I probably should have done the whole thing here, but there's a full log of my trip to Hong Kong on The Summa Forums.
Check it out:
http://forums.summacentral.com/index.php?showtopic=114&hl=
